A new year

Early January 2021:

Typing outside by the fire pit.

 This should be placid, but it’s not, and not just because the chair is uneven on the uneven ground or the laptop screen is obnoxious or this fire is underwhelming (appropriate for the christening flame of the pit). I’m waiting for the results of an uneven, obnoxious and inevitably underwhelming [redacted] for [redacted] production cutover. Months in the making, whimper of whimpers, managing what looks like it’ll be about [redacted] over a network capable of [redacted]. At least it hasn’t crashed yet like last time, or the time before that. Like the poem where you’re every age you’ve ever been all at once, I never move on from my previous job. It drags along behind me: the chain of my career. It still pays okay at least.

Where were we?

This week has been one of the longest on record, spanning professional, national and personal boundaries. A remarkable thing to recount, terrible to live through. Mostly. I don’t miss 2020—it was the longest one of its kind too—but 2021 has the makings of a worthy successor.

Moving inside.

Completions

Finish the 2020 journal

Nearly no reflection, just aggregation. Took plenty long anyway. Way too many words. Not going to strive for fewer this year (how?), but most of that has to be filler even I can’t love. [redacted]l ate up many of them. Those chapters are turgid with cringeworthy thoughts. I didn’t get much better at being a [redacted] since the last one I spat at in text, and my conversations with [redacted] make me want to apologize every 20 words or so.

…

Horizon

2021

1.     I want to identify a fourth compound candidate. Jacob and Matt are an excellent start, but for this concept to gain real cohesion it needs more.

2.     I want to be recognized as a vital employee to [redacted]’s survival or to be out of there. This might just be the pain of this morning talking, but that feels important. This job pays fine, but I don’t want to keep doing it if it keeps making me feel this way.

3.     I want Zaethro to be fully succeeded by a new form. I already have glimpsed what that form will be. I have to continue to push to make that happen.

4.     I want to have a plan for the Floridian summer. Not sure whether it involves moving or better outfitting the place I live now, but I can’t lose 7 months of the year to the heat.

5.     I want to touch my friends again. This ought to be doable by the end of the year no matter what, but even within the confines of the pandemic I have the wherewithal to do this and should. I’m hurting without it.

Q1

1.     I want to either be a 220 pound hunk or a 190 pound athlete. Both involve the same first step: get down to 205 (currently 217 at 16% body fat). I’ll figure out which way I want to go from there. This will determine the shape of the new suit.

2.     I want to know where I stand with [redacted]. I don’t expect that to resolve in January, but that tension is going to release somehow.

3.     I want mini-house built. This might be ambitious depending on how [redacted] goes, but it’s worth trying.

4.     I want the Mach Log back up and running. It’ll have a new first episode sooner than March, but I want that website to become part of my life again. It’s time.

5.     I want [redacted] sold. We’ll have to keep pushing, but there’s enough momentum to make it happen.

This week

Sike! This week’s already over! It’s fucking Saturday right now. Moving onto